Instinct vs Reason (with easter egg links!)

   A couple days ago, I got this text from a good friend: "I am taking a poll, so please answer honestly...As a man, do you think you go against your biological and chemical nature by being monogamous? 

   To which I replied: "Meaning being male, it's in my chemical nature to be polygamous? So practicing monogamy is against my nature? Am I understanding you correctly?" 

 

   "Yes. :)," she replied. "You got it. Trying to decide how most men think in regards to this."

   Man, did that ever get my brain squirrels a-runnin'! I couldn't just text back the answer, because that would've done a number on my thumbs. 

   The following is my email response to her, more or less: 

   So...I do notice, being a male, that by instinct, I love all women. It's in my male nature to notice all attractive women that I may encounter or pass by.

  I've seen studies and TV segments that had men speaking with women that were wearing a modest top vs. women wearing a shirt with some cleavage showing. And even the nicest, most down-to-earth and polite gentlemen still couldn't help their eyes from frequently darting southward to get a glimpse of the cleavage. It's in our DNA.

  So, by instinct, all men are infused with polygamous desires. Like a lion having to spread his seed to his whole pride come mating season. 

But that brings us to the key factor that separates us from animals: logic and reason.

  Example: My girlfriend and I have an amazing relationship. We are so compatible, it's ridiculous. We actually knew each other in high school. Just acquaintances, though. We had a few classes together, said hi to each other in the hallway, whatev. Life took us into different directions after high school. We became friend on Facebook a couple years back. She lived in L.A. and I recently moved to L.A. for an internship. So we decided after 10 years to have our own personal reunion. Not the typical anxiety-driven high school reunion - starring punch, cookies, awkward dancing, egos and self-loathing. We hung out one afternoon, walking along Venice beach, and realized we really enjoyed each others company. And we continued to hang out...and realized we kind of liked each other. And it's been a blast.

  But as far as our relationship, as far as the 5 Love Languages are concerned, we both have Physical Touch as our primary love language, and Quality Time as our second most important. She has a PhD in microbiology and I'm the wacky artistic type. We're both really nerdy in our own respects, but love the same TV shows and movies and are both really sarcastic. We've only been officially dating for a couple months now, but it seems so effortless and we're just both equally smitten...which is hard to come by. A lot of relationships tend to become rather one-sided very quickly, once you get to know that person more intimately.

  I know that was a lot of back story, but here's the point: Even though my girlfriend and I work so well together, even though we compliment each other on so many levels...I can't help but have those instinctual, polygamous synapses fire in my brain when I see another attractive female come along. I think to myself, "Oh, man, she's gorgeous! I'm suddenly intrigued by this woman I don't even know!" But then...the defining attributes of being human take over: logic and reason. Then I think, "Sure she's pretty, but she's not my girlfriend. She's not as funny, she's gotta be way more boring, obviously not as smart, not as sarcastic and clearly not as fun as my girlfriend."

  So it's instinct vs reason. It's the constant variable among all men. Wanting to love and make love to every woman is our first instinct. Then reason comes along to screech the brakes on that train of thought. That's why a man can be with the greatest, most compatible, most beautiful woman in the world, but still take a second to look at another attractive woman, or dart his eyes towards some cleavage. Or, in a more tragic instance, a married man will succumb to those instincts and find himself "loving" more than one woman...even if his wife is so much more beautiful and compatible. (Tiger Woods?)

  Those instances comes back to the 5 Love Languages again. It's easy for a man to follow through on his instincts with another woman if his "Love Tank" isn't being filled by his girlfriend/wife. It's easy with my girlfriend, since we both have the same primary love languages. We both physically touch each other to show our affection and our quality time together is unparalleled. Even though I have those instincts to love every attractive woman, my girlfriend is the one that fills my Love Tank, so there's no question about who I am going to be loyal to. If my love tank wasn't being filled by her, I'd have an instinctual tendency to act upon my polygamous nature to see if some other woman could fill that Love Tank better. 

  So there you have it. Instinct. Logic and Reason. Love Tanks. That's how men are. That's how to keep your man. :)

   Now, some of you may be asking, "What are these 5 Love Languages he keeps blabbing about?" 

  Good question: Click on this for more info. I can't tell you how much that book has changed my life in dealing with relationships. And not only relationships, but how I show and receive love from friends and family. 

   If you're just curious which love language is primary for you, take the assessment test first by clicking here.

   It's cited in the book that it's rare for a couple to have the same primary love languages. I just happened to luck out with my girlfriend. But everyone needs to know about these love languages. I guarantee I will continue to reference The 5 Love Languages in future blogs. It has been very influential on how I approach having (and hopefully keeping) a mate. 

   Tell your friends! Tell your neighbors! Tell your loved ones! Weeeee!