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10.08.2010

Dream Journal: Sticky Revolver


 
   I was in a run-down, dirty police station with the squad. We were in the middle of swappin' stories when we hear a fire alarm go off outside.


   Yet...even though it went off outside, one of the female detectives (we'll call her Detective El Fuego...yes, that's right, you Spanish speakers - Detective The Fire) stood next to the red fire alarm and knew exactly where this fire alarm has been triggered. And it was the same red, pull-down fire alarms you see in schools and office buildings.


   Anyway, she stood next to it, just looked at it, and laughinly said, "Hey fellas! It's coming from South and 100, can you believe that? That's right next to us!" All the other policemen chuckled in response from the adjacent room. (Which, by the way, the adjacent room looked almost like a locker room bathroom...lots of tile...and showers) How she was able to determine the location of the sounding fire alarm just by looking at it still baffles me.


   We heard some commotion outside and realize...something really was happening right outside our doors!


   I opened the side door to the street and smoke is quickly filling the scene. I peeked even further out the door and saw a small group of thugs walking towards us; the man in front was spraying a flame thrower to and fro. No wonder there was smoke!


   One of them saw me peeking through the door and ran at me! I closed the door and turned to the rest of the squad to give me a hand...but they had all gone! They fled in the face of real danger?! What kind of police force was this?!!!


   A few of the interns and secretaries stayed, though, (of all the people...they stayed?) so I'm desperately trying to keep the door closed while the gang on the outside is kicking and screaming, trying to break in.


   But wouldn't you know it - the lock on the door was tiny. And I mean tiny! Even if I had managed to slide the pin in place, anyone could have easily broken that thing. Useless...


   So the misfits busted open the door and I skidaddled to the adjacent room, hiding with the interns and secretaries. I heard them bustling about in the first room when I noticed a 6-shooter revolver on the ground. I picked it up...and angrily threw it on the ground! Why? I have no idea. Because then it hits me - "Oh. Maybe there are some bullets in it." I popped open the cylinder and there were 6 bullets starin' me in the face. Awesome.


   I breathed in deep, darted under the door frame and fired into the gang of misfits. Well...kind of. I tried to fire it with one hand, but the trigger was super sticky. So I had to grab it with both hands and use all my strength just to fire one shot!


   But fire it did, into the arm of a dude wearing a teal shirt. It must have gone through his arm into his chest, because he dropped pretty quickly. The next to taste the wrath of my sluggish trigger finger was a girl. I shot her in the upper thigh. At first, she reacted as if she was stung by something...but then slowly eased her way down to the ground. (And to be honest, she was kind of a bad actor)


   The next to taste the sting of my barrage of bullets was some kid in an orange shirt and a buzz cut. I purposely shot him in the thigh, because for some reason, I didn't want to kill this kid...just teach him a valuable lesson.


   I don't remember what happened right after that, but the dust settled and people were catching their breath, taking it easy and thinking about what had just happened.


   I went over to the kid in the orange shirt and said, "I'm sorry I had to shoot you. You gave me no choice, but at least I purposely shot you in the thigh, so it wasn't fatal, right?"


   He pulled out his silver cell phone and said, "Actually, you hit my cell phone, so no harm done. Thanks, man."


   Yeah...thanks, man. What a good way to end such a dream. I knew there was something special about that kid in the orange shirt and a buzz cut. ;)

10.06.2010

Comment Boards = New Source of Comedy

   Hey there folks. I was looking at Jared Hess's IMDB page today and came across some humorous material that I felt I needed to share. It was a post done by a sincere filmmaker/writer extraordinaire (I guess) who wanted to get exposure for his creativity. Here is his post...along with the barrage of comments to his post:












   Awwwww...you gotta love people, right? Seems like comment boards are the wave of the future of comedy! Have you taken the time to read comments about anything else posted online these days? If there is a comment board...go to it! 97.3% of the time there will be an argument that starts between 2 people. Then others will gang up on the one who seems to be the most uneducated, agreeing with the more sensible person who ripped the "dumb" guy apart for posting such bone-headed, unintelligent dribble.

   For example, news stories are the best! Here's one story:


 One person makes a comment that most seem to disagree with...and so they attack!





   It's amazing how everyone wants to be heard. The internet has become such a place for that. Everyone has an opinion, but now it's getting ridiculous, with the amount of arguing that seems to take place. That's usually what happens on comment boards. Every once in awhile you'll get people praising other people for their comments...but most of the time someone has to argue with someone else to justify their opinion as being the "correct" way to view the matter at hand. People, I swear...

   Which reminds me: Does anyone else find it strange and annoying when 2 people start a comment conversation on your Facebook wall? I post a status update on my wall, a friend of mine comments on it, then another friend comments below it, references the first friend's comment. Then the first friend comments back to the 2nd friend because they were mutual friends with me, but they somehow hadn't "friended" each other on Facebook yet...something like:

   Friend 1: "Yeah. That was funny. It sure has been ages since we last saw each other. What's new?"

   Friend 2: "Oh nothing. Just doing blah blah blah in such-and-such city. You should totally come here to visit!"

   Friend 1: "For sure! I've been meaning to have the wife and kids and I go visit out there sometime. Do you have a family also?" 

   Hey, hey! (snap my fingers) Get your own wall to chat on! That's great that you're getting back in touch after who knows how many years, but don't do it on my precious digital real estate! Plus...you probably won't end up taking your family on vacation there to visit your friend you just reunited with. Just sayin'...

   It just seems like technology and the internet have created an infested swamp of text, videos, music and nonsense that even a child can participate in now. It used to be that only professionals and schooled individuals were broadcast to the masses. News anchors, actors, politicians, comedians, talk show hosts (not saying even they all act in a professional manner all the time)...they were the only ones you really got to see. Now little Jimmy down the street can act out his favorite scene from Yugi-Oh, edit it (complete with special effects), and then post it on YouTube in a matter of hours...and he's only 10! What's next...? 

   But...we can't escape it, so...might as well make the most of it and get some laughs from it. Check out comment boards when you're...bored. :) It'll make your day. 

   I'll leave you with a good rant about how we take our technology for granted, by Louis C.K.